I FOUND A SET OF PHOTOS OF MY MOM EATING SALAD ON HER COMPUTER??? I’M SJUPER CONFUSED
I’m in stitches.
Since I was a little kid, I’ve had a very difficult time falling asleep. I still remember patterns on the ceiling of plaster and staring up at them for hours before I could fall asleep.
I never had friends as a kid because I was weird and I didn’t want to do what everyone else wanted to do. I just wanted to be by myself and talk in my own head and make myself laugh and make myself feel not lonely.
I couldn’t even total up the hours I’ve spent alone in a dark room going over everything I’ve ever thought and felt. I get about four to five hours of sleep a night and I have for as long as I can remember. Usually, on the weekends, I get eight or nine because I don’t have to be up.
The past four months have been the only time in my entire life that I’ve been able to sleep consistently. I wish that I was embellishing or exaggerating that. I’m sure I’ve had a week here and there, but nothing close to four months of sleeping like a baby. Honestly, I didn’t even understand that expression fully. I assumed it just meant sleeping for eight hours and it was something that normal people felt when they slept. I slept sound, like a baby, for the first time since I was a baby.
I’ve been getting about three hours for the last month. Being that work is really slow, that leaves me with way too much time being awake with nothing to do. I’m on my fourth book since then. But there’s still way too much time for my brain to wander into places I don’t want it to.
I’ll let go when you let go. That expression only applies if two people where ever holding on to something. Why would I hold on to something when I’m the only one holding on? Why would I still be holding? Every morning I spend two to three hours just shaking myself out of a miserable depression. Then the next twelve trying to produce something that will move someone. The jokes I write and the inane things that I pretend to be are not for me.
(via blueyesandspitfire)
(Source: serialstranger, via bitemyclavicle)
(Source: endangeredgenus, via oh-sigh-ashton)
(via isabellainspirations)
Panic
If I could I’d take back my words
And heal my heart.
